Needs a Better Title
by MJG
Summary: Chapter 1: Goyle and Cho. Chapter 2: Ron and Hermione. Chapter 3: Harry and Hermione. Chapter 4: Ginny and Malfoy. Chapter 5: Ron and Lavender. Chapter 6: Parvati and Someone. Chapter 7: You decide. R
1. Goyle and Cho

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.  
  
A/N: Okay, this is what everyone's reaction might be to some very weird couples (eg. George Weasley and Dean Thomas) and some inevitable ones (eg. Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger).  
  
Okay, I picked this one randomly: Goyle and Cho. Weird!  
  
Cho and Goyle  
  
Harry  
  
Harry: That stupid loser Goyle doesn't deserve Cho. How the hell did that happen? He probably cast a spell on her, the stupid—  
  
Me: Hey! No swearing.  
  
Harry: How can I NOT swear?  
  
Ron  
  
Ron: Wow! And I thought Goyle was gay after he practically went to the Yule Ball with Crabbe. I didn't think Cho would get over Cedric so quickly either. This is just a rumour, isn't it?  
  
Me: No.  
  
Ron: How would you know? What are you doing at Hogwarts anyway? Muggles aren't allowed here unless they're related to a student.  
  
Me: Look, there's Fleur!  
  
Ron: Where? (Looks around)  
  
Me: (Runs away)  
  
Draco  
  
Draco: Stop bullshitting—  
  
Me: Damn. If I want to quote you, I have to put that in. Now the rating has to be PG.  
  
Draco: What are you talking about? What's PG?  
  
Me: Never mind. You were saying?  
  
Draco: Is Cho a Mudblood?  
  
Me: Can't you say something without swearing or saying something offensive?  
  
Draco: Are you sure you're Voldemort's long lost cousin? If you were you wouldn't care about me saying Mudblood.  
  
Me: You haven't answered my question.  
  
Draco: But you didn't ask one.  
  
Me: I've been talking to you for longer than I've talked to anyone else and I've got NOTHING. Bye.  
  
Draco: Tell Voldemort I said hi!  
  
Hermione  
  
Hermione: I can't talk now, I'm going to the library to get a few books.  
  
Me: Great, I'll come with you. So I don't know if you heard, but—  
  
Hermione: I don't care about gossip.  
  
Me: But this isn't gossip…exactly.  
  
Hermione: I'm busy; I've got more important things to do.  
  
Me: How do you know this isn't important?  
  
Hermione: It obviously has nothing to do with school, you don't go here.  
  
Me: I'm Professor Dumbledore's…long lost cousin. And he told me to give you a message.  
  
Hermione: You're too young to be his long lost cousin. (Goes into library)  
  
I give up on getting Hermione's reaction.  
  
Crabbe  
  
Crabbe: What? But Goyle…he promised me that…(starts crying)  
  
Me: Um…there, there. Wait, are you crying because you're happy or sad?  
  
Crabbe: Who cries because they're happy? That's weird.  
  
Me: Uh…yeah. Why are you sad?  
  
Crabbe: Goyle was the girlfriend I never had. Sort of like you're the sister Malfoy never had.  
  
Me: Oh, I see.  
  
Goyle: Oh, good. I'm late for Care of Magical Creatures. Thanks.  
  
Me: You're welcome. Wait, were you being sarcastic?  
  
Goyle  
  
Goyle: I don't know why I let this happen. I barely know Cho. And I'm sure that if I did, I wouldn't like her and she wouldn't like me.  
  
Me: But aren't you at least a bit happy now that you have your first girlfriend?  
  
Goyle: Not really. The truth is…I prefer…  
  
Me: (amused) Yes?  
  
Goyle: You.  
  
Me: WHAT?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! (runs away)  
  
Goyle: Phew, that was close! I almost admitted I was bent. (A/N: That's Goyle's way of saying gay)  
  
Mrs. Chang  
  
Mrs. Chang: Cho and a Slytherin? That's the house that has all the Deatheaters children. What's wrong with Cho?  
  
Me: I don't know. Maybe she was blackmailed. Anyway, I'd better go talk to Cho and find out what's happening.  
  
Mrs. Chang: She'll get here in a few minutes; she's coming home for the holidays.  
  
Me: Okay, cool.  
  
Cho  
  
Cho: Goyle is just someone I know won't die soon. He could kill You-Know- Who the muggle way if he wanted, not that You-Know-Who would kill him, since he's in Slytherin. And well…it's very hard when your boyfriend has just died. And Goyle is amazingly sensitive despite the fact he is in Slytherin.  
  
Me: Oh. Well, you know who would be better than Goyle at defeating Voldemort? Harry Potter! He's defeated him many times.  
  
Cho: Harry's okay.  
  
Me: And you have something in common with him—you're bother seekers.  
  
Cho: I guess.  
  
Me: Great! Break up with Goyle and I'll talk to Harry.  
  
Cho: Who are you, anyway?  
  
Me: Um…your long-lost cousin?  
  
A/N: I don't like flames. This is my first HP fic. I know this isn't very good but just try to like it. It'll get better, I promise. So don't flame, or you never know who I might put you with.  
  
Oh, yeah, and give me all the pairings you want, the more the better.  
  
If I don't get any suggestions, the next one's going to be Malfoy/Hermione. 


	2. Ron and Hermione

Disclaimer:  
  
I am Mary  
  
J. K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter  
  
Therefore, I did not write Harry Potter  
  
(It's very logical)  
  
A/N: The Irish Wombats suggested Ron and Hermione, so here it is. By the way, don't mind the weird disclaimer.  
  
  
  
  
  
Ron and Hermione  
  
Draco  
  
Draco: I figured they'd end up together. Stupid Mudblood and Mudblood Lover's son…  
  
Me: But they were friends. Would you suddenly start going out with one of your friends?  
  
Draco: NO WAY!  
  
Me: So what made you think that they would end up together?  
  
Draco: Because no one else would like either of them.  
  
Me: What about Viktor Krum?  
  
Draco: What about him?  
  
Me: What are you, stupid? Weren't you at the Yule Ball?  
  
Draco: Oh, you mean because he went with Hermione?  
  
Me: (sarcastically) No, because Ron and Krum seemed really interested in each other.  
  
Draco: No they didn't.  
  
Me: I've never met anyone dumber than you. Even Crabbe and Goyle seemed halfway normal. Here's the question again: What about Krum? Do you understand now?  
  
Draco: Krum's famous and he's a lot older than the Mudblood.  
  
Me: Okay then. Thanks.  
  
Draco: How's Voldemort?  
  
Me: He's fine, I gotta go now.  
  
Neville  
  
Neville: Ron? But they're always arguing. They wouldn't last long before using unforgivable curses on each other.  
  
Me: As if they'd be able to!  
  
Neville: Hermione might be able to. But then she'd be too smart to do that.  
  
Me: Yes.  
  
(Silence)  
  
Neville: I can't understand how someone could use one of those curses on someone else.  
  
Me: Neither can I.  
  
Neville: I think I've heard about you. Aren't you Voldemort's cousin?  
  
Me: No, did Malfoy say I was?  
  
Neville: Yes. He said you asked really annoying questions about other people.  
  
Me: Don't believe anything you hear about me. Unless I say it. Goodbye.  
  
Harry  
  
Harry: (gloomily) This is the worst thing that could ever happen.  
  
Me: You can't honestly say you didn't see it coming.  
  
Harry: Well, last year it was beginning to be unbelievably obvious.  
  
Me: Why do you think this is so bad?  
  
Harry: They could barely stay friends without fighting. And now things will be weird.  
  
Me: In what way?  
  
Harry: In every way. But I guess it won't be too bad. It probably won't last long and things will be back to normal soon.  
  
Me: But don't you think that they might not be able to go back to being friends after breaking up?  
  
Harry: No. At least I hope not. How do you know about this anyway?  
  
Me: I have my ways.  
  
Hermione  
  
Hermione: Yes, it's true.  
  
Me: And aren't you excited?  
  
Hermione: Well…  
  
Me: You liked him, didn't you?  
  
Hermione: Well…  
  
Me: What?  
  
Hermione: I can't believe this! It's too wonderful! How did this happen?  
  
Me: Actually, I was just about to ask you that.  
  
Hermione: Well—  
  
Me: Could you stop saying "well"? It's kind of annoying.  
  
Hermione: As long as you stop saying "you"?  
  
Me: How am I supposed to ask YOU a question about YOURSELF without using the word "YOU"?  
  
Hermione: I guess you can't.  
  
Me: Exactly. But anyone can answer a question without saying "well".  
  
Hermione: Aren't you one who pretended to be Professor Dumbledore's long- lost cousin?  
  
Me: That's completely of the subject. Are you trying to avoid answering questions?  
  
Hermione: (annoyed) You're so annoying.  
  
Me: Am I? I'm not the one avoiding questions about Ron.  
  
Hermione: You changed the subject to how often I use the word "well".  
  
Me: Because it was annoying me. And since you annoyed me first, that proves you are the more annoying one.  
  
Hermione: Now I'm late for Arithmancy!  
  
Me: You wouldn't be if you'd just answered my questions and not answered the irrelevant ones.  
  
Hermione: ARGHHH!  
  
Ginny  
  
Ginny: Poor Hermione.  
  
Me: What's so bad about Ron.  
  
Ginny: You have to have lived with him for fourteen years to understand.  
  
Me: Can't you explain it?  
  
Ginny: He's stupid. He's messy and just plain annoying. Now picture living with that for fourteen years, keeping in mind he's older than you and tries to boss you around and then…  
  
[This goes on for about half an hour. I get bored and tune out most of what she says but you get the gist. Finally Ginny has stopped talking and I, hoping she hasn't asked me a question, ask her one].  
  
Me: What would you say to someone who claimed to be jealous of Hermione.  
  
Ginny: They're probably jealous because she's so smart.  
  
Me: No, because of Ron. For example, just pretend I was jealous. What would you say to me?  
  
Ginny: Don't be jealous. Ron's not a nice person. Believe me.  
  
Me: Okay. Thank you for talking to me about this.  
  
Ginny: Why do you care what I think?  
  
Me: That's just the kind of person I am. I care. (BIG cheesy smile)  
  
Fred  
  
Fred: (laughs) Ickle Ronniekins finally got a girlfriend. I've got to tell George and find Ron!  
  
(Fred goes)  
  
Me: I guess actions speak louder than words.  
  
Mrs. Weasley  
  
Mrs. Weasley: Hermione's a nice girl. I've always thought so.  
  
Me: Not after that article Rita Skeeter wrote you didn't!  
  
Mrs. Weasley: But that article was untrue so it doesn't count.  
  
Me: You actually thought she would actually do something so scarlet woman- ish?  
  
Mrs. Weasley: Scarlet woman is a common term isn't it?  
  
Me: Yes it's a new term so not many people have heard it.  
  
Mrs. Weasley: Ron told me it was a strange thing to say and that if I said it everyone would think I was weird.  
  
Me: Well he was wrong. You didn't answer my question. Do you admit that you actually thought she would behave in that way?  
  
Mrs. Weasley: Anything's possible. Shouldn't you be in school?  
  
Me: I should.  
  
Ron  
  
[Ron is completely red the whole time. And not because he's been painted red or he is bleeding]  
  
Ron: What? Me and Hermione?  
  
Me: That's right. You've liked her since second year some people say.  
  
Ron: Which people?  
  
Me: You don't want to know. So, is it true?  
  
Ron: No. We've always been friends and nothing has changed. Whoever said anything about me liking her is lying.  
  
Me: I'll be right back.  
  
[A few days later (I had to go home, which is in Australia, to get something. It isn't until I get back that I realise how stupid going back was)]  
  
Me: Do you know where Ron is?  
  
Dean: (pointing) He's over there, playing chess with Hermione.  
  
Me: (grinning) Is that a euphemism?  
  
(I look where he pointed)  
  
Me: Oh. It's not.  
  
Me: Ron, remember what we were talking about before?  
  
Ron: I don't want to talk about it here. (looks around at many people who could here me saying something about him liking Hermione)  
  
(We go somewhere else)  
  
Me: I have four books for you to read.  
  
Ron: Give them to Hermione, I don't want to read four books. Especially not that really fat one.  
  
Me: You don't have to read them all, just the parts I high-lighted.  
  
(Ron looks at the titles of the books)  
  
Ron: Harry Potter? He's got his own books?  
  
Me: Never mind that. See, they're about Harry, sure, but they also mention you and Hermione. Read this high-lighted part.  
  
(Ron reads it)  
  
Ron: Not the stupid Yule ball.  
  
Me: See how obvious it is that you like her?  
  
Ron: Wow! I guess I was sort of obvious.  
  
Me: Ha! You admitted it! How cool!  
  
A/N: Well, that was chapter two. Review it. Do you have any other ideas? Like before, If I don't get any, it's Malfoy/Hermione. If anyone cares, "you" was used about 70 times in this chapter. 


	3. Harry and Hermione

Disclaimer: Am I J. K. Rowling? No  
  
A/N: Moonlight Lily said she'd like me to do Harry/Hermione I and thought "How?" I've tried writing Hermione/Harry fics and I just can't do it. They always become Hermione/Ron. So if this sucks, I'm sorry.  
  
Harry and Hermione  
  
Dudley  
  
Dudley: Who's Hermione?  
  
Me: Oh, shit! I forgot. Forget I said anything.  
  
Voldemort  
  
Voldemort: (thoughtfully) Do you think he'd risk his life for Hermione?  
  
Me: Maybe. Why?  
  
Voldemort: What's her last name?  
  
Me: Smith.  
  
Voldemort: Okay. * Imperio *  
  
(I go to Hogwarts and drag Hermione all the way back to Voldemort)  
  
Voldemort: Excellent.  
  
Harry  
  
Harry: You mean Hermione's with Voldemort right now?!  
  
Me: That's right.  
  
Harry: You saw this happen and you didn't do anything?  
  
Me: I have four words for you: Muggle vs. Unforgivable Curse.  
  
Harry: So you're a muggle. Then how do you know about Voldemort and what are you doing here?  
  
Me: Hello? Your girlfriend's with Voldemort!  
  
Harry: Oh, right. Where is Voldemort?  
  
Me: First we have to find Ron; I need to ask him some questions. Then I'll show you where.  
  
Ron and Harry  
  
Ron: Where are we going?  
  
Harry: To find Voldemort.  
  
Ron: Why?  
  
Me: I just realised something! Harry, we can't go anywhere near Voldemort; he's trying to kill you. His plan is that since you and Hermione are going out—  
  
Ron: What?  
  
Me: —and you were friends before, you'd let him kill you if he didn't kill her.  
  
Harry: What a stupid plan.  
  
Ron: Since when are you two going out?  
  
Me: Are you annoyed? Angry? Jealous?  
  
Ron: She broke up with me and said she liked some other guy but she didn't tell me who. I can't believe it was you!  
  
Harry: She told me she'd told you!  
  
Me: Maybe she was about to and then I accidentally brought her here.  
  
Harry: Where are we?  
  
Me: This is it.  
  
Ron: Sombreroholics Anonymous?  
  
Harry: They're having a meeting.  
  
Me: How amusing. They've got a hat shop right across from it! And it sells sombreros.  
  
Harry: Maybe we should buy some to seem realistic if we want to fit it.  
  
Me: Got money?  
  
Ron: Of course he does.  
  
Me: 'Kay, let's buy some sombreros.  
  
(We do that. Then we walk into the room that has the sign "Sombreroholics Anonymous" on the door, wearing sombreros)  
  
A Sombreroholic: A sombrero!  
  
(Everyone is very excited. People try to take them off our heads and succeed, not that we care)  
  
Gary: I see you certainly are Sombreroholics, if you came to a Sombreroholics Anonymous meeting wearing a sombrero.  
  
Me: How dumb are we?  
  
Harry: There's Voldemort!  
  
Ron: Where's Hermione?  
  
Me: Check the bathroom.  
  
Harry: YOU check the bathroom.  
  
Me: Oh, right.  
  
(I check the bathroom. No one is there. After a while of looking around we give up and go back to Hogwarts)  
  
Hermione: Where have you been? You got 50 points taken off Gryffindor for not showing up in Potions.  
  
Ron: It was worth it. Potions sucks.  
  
Harry: How did you get away from Voldemort.  
  
Hermione: I'm not the top witch in my year for no reason.  
  
Me: Can I talk to you about something, Hermione?  
  
Hermione  
  
Hermione: Harry thought he had to save me? I'm not vulnerable. I know lots of spells.  
  
Me: How do you know that wasn't just luck? You have to admit you're lucky he wasn't actually after you.  
  
Hermione: I guess.  
  
Me: Under other circumstances, he would've just said, "Avada Kedavra" and killed you.  
  
Hermione: Why would he kill me?  
  
Me: He's Voldemort.  
  
A/N: Flames are okay because this wasn't so good. And I've always wanted to use a fire extinguisher. What will chapter 4 be? Review and tell me. 


	4. Ginny and Malfoy

Disclaimer: I did not suddenly turn into J. K. Rowling.  
  
A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! This Chapter is Ginny/Draco. I'll try not to make it too bad. By the way, I don't like Purple Monkey Dishwasher anymore, I'm going back to MJG.  
  
Ginny and Malfoy  
  
Ron  
  
Ron: (a lot of swearing) Where's Malfoy? I'm gonna bash his face in! What right does he have to…?—and why isn't Ginny…?—are you sure this is true?  
  
Me: Yeah! Would I lie?  
  
Ron: How do you know everything that happens at Hogwarts?  
  
Me: Shouldn't you be looking for Malfoy?  
  
Ron: Oh, yeah.  
  
Ron leaves, angrily.  
  
Crabbe  
  
Crabbe: Malfoy? As in Draco Malfoy? My friend? With a Weasley? I'll believe it when I see it.  
  
(Crabbe sees Malfoy and Ginny making out nearby)  
  
Crabbe: I believe it.  
  
Me: It's a good thing that Ron didn't follow me here. You wouldn't have seen them because he would have bashed Malfoy up.  
  
Crabbe: Why can't Ron accept these things? Malfoy's like that too. That's why Goyle and I haven't told him about…well, you know.  
  
Me: (thinking) Can't wait to get Malfoy's reaction about that! (A/N: Hint, hint)  
  
George  
  
George: That's funny! Great joke.  
  
Me: But it's not a joke.  
  
George: Okay, now it's getting old.  
  
Me: It's TRUE. I'm serious.  
  
George: I'm not that stupid.  
  
Me: Fine, don't believe me. Maybe if they get married you'll finally believe me.  
  
Lucius  
  
Lucius: A Weasley? That's preposterous!  
  
Me: But true.  
  
Lucius: I'll show him! How dare he ruin the Malfoy name. Of all people he picked Ginny Weasley.  
  
Me: Better Ginny than one of the other Weasleys, don't you think?  
  
Lucius: (menacingly) You'd better not mean what I think you mean.  
  
Me: Gotta go!  
  
Ginny  
  
Ginny: Malfoy isn't as bad as he seems. He's nice to me.  
  
Me: I find that hard to believe. He hates your family. He hates Hermione who seems to be your friend since the Yule Ball last year. He hates Harry. What happened to your crush on Harry?  
  
Ginny: Harry doesn't like me. He just thinks of me as Ron's little sister.  
  
Me: And Malfoy thinks of you as his enemy's best friend's little sister.  
  
Ginny: No, he thinks of me as his girlfriend.  
  
Me: But how can you be sure he isn't—  
  
Ginny: OH MY GOD!  
  
Ron and Malfoy are fighting. Ron is on top of Malfoy. Lucius sees them.  
  
Lucius: MALFOY! WHAT THE F*** DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? FIRST GINNY, NOW RONALD?  
  
Malfoy: It's not what you think. (He pushes Ron off him) Why are you here, anyway?  
  
Lucius: The Weasleys are just a bunch of muggle wannabes. Stay away from them. (Looks at Ron, scornfully) Especially this one.  
  
Malfoy: No, I don't want to. Well, I don't mind staying away from Weasel, but Ginny's different.  
  
Lucius: A Weasley is a Weasley. If I see her with you ever again, I'll disown you.  
  
Ginny, Ron and I get the hell outta there. Then I return when I realise I haven't spoken to (Draco) Malfoy yet. Luckily Lucius has gone.  
  
Malfoy  
  
Malfoy: Ginny is better than the other Weasels.  
  
Me: Why, because she's female?  
  
Malfoy: Yeah, and she's a lot more…evil.  
  
Me: Ginny's evil. Since when?  
  
Malfoy: I think that Tom Riddle Diary incident effected her a bit more than most people think.  
  
Me: Really? I'd better investigate.  
  
Ginny  
  
Me: What are you doing?  
  
Ginny: I'm coming up with a way for me and Malfoy to go out without Lucius messing things up.  
  
Me: What's the plan?  
  
Ginny: You'll see.  
  
Ginny visits the Malfoys and comes back with three shopping bags and a triumphant grin.  
  
Me: What happened?  
  
Ginny: Narcissa and I are friends now. She's nowhere near as bad as her husband.  
  
Me: Narcissa Malfoy? You've become her friend. But what about Lucius?  
  
Ginny: I have a plan for him too.  
  
Me: Does Narcissa know you're Ginny Weasley?  
  
Ginny: I'm not. Well not for long.  
  
Me: Huh?  
  
Ginny: I'm going to change my last name.  
  
Me: You must really like Malfoy. What are you going to change it to?  
  
Ginny: Bin Laden. I heard a muggle mention the name and I thought it was a nice last name.  
  
Me: Maybe you should rethink that decision. People might think you were related to someone who isn't exactly the most popular man on Earth.  
  
Colin  
  
Colin: Ginny's nice. Why does she have to like Malfoy?  
  
Me: Do you want me to answer that question?  
  
Colin: Not really.  
  
Narcissa  
  
Narcissa: Ginny is a wonderful person. I went shopping with her not long ago and she seemed very nice.  
  
Me: Your husband doesn't seem to like her.  
  
Narcissa: He has no taste. I'm sure I'll be able to convince him to like her.  
  
Me: Are you sure you won't be convincing him to pretend to like her?  
  
Narcissa: (annoyed) Yes. I'm not bossy.  
  
Harry  
  
Harry: There's a good side to this. She doesn't like me anymore.  
  
Me: So you don't mind who she likes as long as it's not you?  
  
Harry: I mind if it's Malfoy.  
  
Me: You don't seem to mind.  
  
Harry: You ask too many questions.  
  
Me: I only asked you one.  
  
Ginny  
  
Ginny: You again!  
  
Me: What's going on with you and the Malfoys?  
  
Ginny: I think I got Narcissa to convince Lucius to like me so I don't have to change my last name.  
  
A few months later…  
  
Ginny: Can you believe this? Lucius is practically arranging our marriage.  
  
Me: What?  
  
Ginny: He can't wait until I become part of their family. Narcissa convinced him I was really amazing and nothing like the rest of my family.  
  
Me: But you're too young to get married.  
  
Ginny: I know but he makes me go to their family reunions and people's birthdays and I HATE all the Malfoys. Especially Narcissa; she started this.  
  
Me: What about Malfoy?  
  
Ginny: I feel sorry for him.  
  
Me: And I'm sure he feels sorry for you.  
  
A/N: The next chapter will be Ron/Lavender. But what will the one after that be? 


	5. Ron and Lavender

Disclaimer: There's a difference between me and J. K. Rowling. One of them is the fact that I didn't write Harry Potter and she did.  
  
A/N: Ron and Lavender. Who was the first person to think of this one? Someone with a good imagination, I think.  
  
Ron and Lavender  
  
Parvati  
  
Parvati: Padma told me what a lousy date Ron was. I don't see why he would be any better with Lavender.  
  
Me: But he didn't choose Padma. And maybe Padma isn't a likable person.  
  
Parvati: It's more likely that Ron's a boring guy.  
  
Me: If Padma wasn't nice you wouldn't be able to tell; you're her twin. And twins share a bond that no one can understand blah blah blah.  
  
Parvati: I still think Ron's the unlikable person. I hope it doesn't last long.  
  
Me: Personally, I doubt it will.  
  
Seamus  
  
Seamus: I really liked Lavender but I guess she didn't like me. It doesn't matter.  
  
Me: (surprised) You don't care?  
  
Seamus: I care but I don't mind.  
  
Me: Well, this will make my story interesting.  
  
Seamus: What story?  
  
Me: There's a website that has Fan Fiction on it. I'm writing a story so I thought I'd get some ideas from here.  
  
Seamus: But you can't let Muggles know about Hogwarts and Witches.  
  
Me: They'll think I made it up.  
  
Seamus: How does this sound? How could Lavender go out with some idiot she doesn't even like? She went to the Yule Ball with me! I thought she really liked me.  
  
Me: That's stupid. But I'll use it anyway. So, are you going to threaten Ron?  
  
Seamus: But he's my friend.  
  
Me: Why do you have to be so NICE?  
  
Harry  
  
Harry: I didn't think Ron liked Lavender. They don't have anything in common.  
  
Me: Neither do you and Hermione.  
  
Harry: At least Hermione and I were friends. Ron and Lavender definitely weren't. I remember last year Ron said made this joke about Uranus, He said—  
  
Me: Yes, I know.  
  
Harry: How did you know?  
  
Me: He told me.  
  
Harry: Well, maybe that was a hint that he liked her. He never said anything about it to me but I never said anything about Hermione or Cho.  
  
Me: I have to do something very important, I'll see you.  
  
Cho  
  
Cho: Ron and Lavender? Who are they? I think I've heard of Ron but I haven't heard of Lavender.  
  
Me: Everyone, that was Cho's reaction, okay?  
  
Cho: Who are you talking to?  
  
Me: (I ignore the question) I'm so sorry! I didn't talk to Harry for you. It's too late now. Have you heard of Hermione?  
  
Cho: She went to the Yule Ball with Viktor Krum and she was in the Daily Prophet.  
  
Me: So you have heard of her.  
  
Cho: Was it true what Rita Skeeter wrote about her and Harry in the Daily Prophet?  
  
Me: It wasn't, but it is now. But don't get angry at me. Here's an interesting possibility: Hermione could get jealous of Ron and Lavender because she likes Ron. Then if Ron and Hermione get back together Harry will be single…I just realised something. This sounds like a soap opera. I hate soap operas. I've leaving. Amy's taking over.  
  
Lavender (and Amy)  
  
Lavender: You know where Zonko's is?  
  
Amy: Yeah.  
  
Lavender: Florean Fortescue's Ice-Cream Parlour is about five shops left from there.  
  
Amy: Okay, thanks.  
  
Amy goes to Florean Fortescue's Ice-Cream Parlour. I am also there.  
  
Me: How come you're here? You're supposed to be asking people questions and annoying them!  
  
Amy: It's hot and I was hungry.  
  
Me: Have you talked to anyone?  
  
Amy: I asked Lavender where this shop was.  
  
Me: (sarcastically) That's great, Amy. I'll do this myself, then.  
  
Amy: If you need help, ask me.  
  
Me: I did. And look what happened.  
  
I go back to Hogwarts and find Lavender.  
  
Lavender: Is Seamus jealous?  
  
Me: In a way.  
  
Lavender: What does that mean?  
  
Me: Was this whole thing intended to make Seamus jealous?  
  
Lavender: Hermione too.  
  
Me: Why did you need to make Seamus jealous?  
  
Lavender: He hardly ever talks to me.  
  
Me: I don't think this really helps the situation.  
  
Lavender: You mean he's not jealous?  
  
Me: Ask him yourself, he's right behind you.  
  
Lavender looks around and sees no one. I run away. I can't believe it works.  
  
Hermione  
  
Hermione: Ron's stupid. Who cares what he does.  
  
Me: You do.  
  
Hermione: No I don't. I'm just angry because I feel sorry for Lavender.  
  
Me: Right. Why did you break up with Ron?  
  
Hermione: Because of Harry.  
  
Me: Do you regret it?  
  
Hermione: A bit. I don't really like Harry in that way.  
  
Ron  
  
Ron: I hate Lavender. She's dumb and she actually LIKES Divination. I hope Hermione's getting jealous.  
  
Me: She is. And Hermione said her feelings for Harry were purely platonic.  
  
Ron: I don't care.  
  
A/N: I REALLY hated that. This chapter sucked. Just review tactfully. 


	6. Parvati and Someone

Disclaimer: If I was J. K. Rowling I would be too busy writing Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix, among other things, to write this.  
  
A/N: Parvati and someone. Who is someone? Don't ask me (not that you did), I'm just as clueless as you are. So is everyone else. So it's up to me to find out who it is! Even as I type this I actually don't know who it'll be; I'm going to make it up as I go along.  
  
Parvati and Someone  
  
Parvati  
  
Me: Hi! How are you? I haven't seen you for ages!  
  
Parvati: I remember you! You insulted Padma.  
  
Me: Did I do that? It must have been MY twin sister.  
  
Parvati: I'm not stupid.  
  
Me: Well, you're definitely dumber than Padma if you're in Gryffindor and she's in Ravenclaw.  
  
Parvati: Shut up!  
  
Me: Did I say that out loud? Let's talk about something else. Is it true that you've got a new boyfriend?  
  
Parvati: I'm not talking to you.  
  
Me: You actually ARE talking to me. So, since you're talking to me I really need to know who you're going out with because Voldemort is disguised as a certain student and I'm afraid this person might be that person. I can't tell you who this person is because, of course, you'll all avoid him and he'll notice that everyone knows.  
  
Parvati: You're lying.  
  
Me: How did you know? I'm a good liar! There's only one person who can tell when I'm lying and even she doesn't always know. Was my lie that unbelievable? (A/N: That's actually true. I don't know how Josephine knows. I've asked her and she just says "I don't know".)  
  
Parvati: It seems that I'm smarter than you thought!  
  
Me: Yeah, whatever. You're not the only person at Hogwarts that I can ask.  
  
Lavender  
  
Lavender: Does she have a boyfriend? She never told me. How did you find out.  
  
Me: Nisha told me.  
  
Lavender: Is she Parvati's friend?  
  
Me: I don't know. Can you ask Parvati who it is?  
  
Lavender: Why would she want you to know?  
  
Me: We're good friends.  
  
Lavender: Then why can't you ask her?  
  
Hermione  
  
Me: Have you noticed Parvati with any guys?  
  
Hermione: Dean, Seamus, Neville, Ron and Harry mostly.  
  
Me: No one else? So you think she might be going out with one of them?  
  
Hermione: Maybe Dean.  
  
Me: Thanks Hermione.  
  
Dean  
  
Dean: Parvati? No. I wish!  
  
Me: Are you sure?  
  
Dean: I think I'd know.  
  
I wondered what to do. Then I saw Dumbledore. He knew everything that happed at Hogwarts! I'd ask him.  
  
Dumbledore  
  
Dumbledore: That's Parvati's own business.  
  
Me: But I'm just curious.  
  
Dumbledore: Curiosity killed the cat.  
  
Me: I'm not a cat.  
  
Dumbledore: I didn't say you were. I jus don't want to tell you.  
  
Me: Do you know who it is?  
  
Dumbledore: Actually I don't. That's why I don't want to tell you.  
  
Padma  
  
Me: Has Parvati told you who her new boyfriend is?  
  
Padma: No. I didn't even know she had one.  
  
Me: There's only one person it could be if she hasn't told anyone: Neville.  
  
Neville  
  
Me: what were you doing in the girls' dorm just now?  
  
Neville: I wasn't in the girls' dorm. This is the boys' dorm.  
  
Me: Then…that can't be right!  
  
Neville: But it is. I've come to this school for over four years now.  
  
Me: Is there a map?  
  
Neville: No.  
  
Me: Anyway, how well do you know Parvati?  
  
Neville: Not very well. I know she doesn't like me.  
  
Me: Are you sure? What about you, do YOU like her?  
  
Neville: She's not very likable.  
  
Me: That's true. You wouldn't consider being her friend?  
  
Neville: She wouldn't consider being my friend.  
  
Me: Okay. So which way out of here?  
  
Neville: The way you came in.  
  
Me: I knew that.  
  
As I walked out, I noticed crumbs going from what I assumed was the girls' dorm, to the portrait. And they weren't just any crumbs they were Doritos! Whether this was Parvati's boyfriend or not, I had to find him or her.  
  
I followed the crumbs all the way to the Slytherin tower. They stopped just outside. I broke into the common room and hoped no one would notice the damage I had caused.  
  
They continued all the way up to the fifth year boys room and stopped when they came to a bed. I asked whose bed it was. They asked why I was there. I said I had to make sure they dorms were clean and if they weren't I had to make sure whoever caused the mess, cleaned it up. They told me it was Malfoy's bed. I asked where he was and they said "he went somewhere".  
  
Then I realised the trail had started from the Slytherin tower and ended up in the Gryffindor tower. I went back to Gryffindor and went into the girls' dorm and bumped into Malfoy. His bag of Doritos was empty.  
  
Malfoy  
  
Me: HOW CAN YOU WASTE DORITOS? YOU SHOULD BE PUT IN AZKABAN! They're all over Hogwarts, all the way from Slytherin to here! Don't you realise how important it is not to waste Doritos? The muggles can only make so many before something goes wrong! This is worse than anything Voldemort could ever do.  
  
Malfoy: They're just chips.  
  
Me: (appalled) Just chips?  
  
I fainted.  
  
When I woke up I was in the Hospital Wing. Ginny and Malfoy were talking to Mme. Pomfrey.  
  
Me: I'm okay!  
  
Malfoy: It's all your fault. Now everyone's wondering why I was in Gryffindor tower.  
  
Me: Why were you in Gryffindor tower?  
  
Malfoy: Because of Ginny.  
  
Me: Oh. I thought you might have been there for Parvati.  
  
Seamus  
  
Seamus: I have no idea.  
  
Me: Do you know who might know?  
  
Seamus: No.  
  
Me: That's helpful.  
  
Colin Creevy  
  
Me: Don't ask me why I'm asking you but, do you know who Parvati's going out with?  
  
Colin: Why are you asking me?  
  
Me: I told you not to ask me.  
  
Colin: I barely know who she is except that she went to the Yule Ball with Harry Potter!  
  
Me: Yes, you would notice that, wouldn't you?  
  
Hermione  
  
Hermione: What's Krum doing at Hogwarts?  
  
Me: I don't know or care.  
  
Hermione: He's with Parvati!  
  
Me: IS HE?  
  
Hermione: How did that happen? They didn't know each other. She probably only likes him because he's famous.  
  
Krum: Hello Parffati.  
  
Hermione: (laughing) He can't pronounce her name either!  
  
Me: A happy ending for everyone. (Sees Malfoy walking past with trail of Doritos behind him) Well almost everyone. (Runs after him yelling)  
  
A/N: That was actually pretty good compared to the last chapter. In case you haven't noticed, I LOVE DORITOS! The next one is McGonagall with Snape or Dumbledore (I haven't decided yet). I don't know what the chapter after that is, but you might, so tell me in a review. 


End file.
